Thoughts on getting laid off from work for the first time
Friday the 13th (November, 2020) at 11.04 am I was told my current position at Edmodo is being “phased out”. After taking a few days to think, this post is meant to update my professional network. Share my thoughts going through this experience for the first time and say goodbye to my team.
To my team..
I’m thankful and proud of everything we accomplished together. I started with Edmodo in March, 2011 with very little management experience. After 9 years and 8 months (almost an eternity in silicon valley startup timeline) I am a more skilled team member and a better manager today. And whatever little professional success I had, you played an important role in it.
To each and every one of you..
you made me understand things when I was confused, challenged my opinions, helped me move forward when I was stuck and worked your ass off to make every project a success or a learning experience
Whether you are at Edmodo today or we worked in a team previously — Thank You for all the learnings.
How do I feel about this?
It’s a mixed bag of emotions. As HR was explaining the terms of separation the heart rate went up a lot. I made a conscious effort to stay calm and not react — a principle of Vipassanā I have been following. The meditation helped in the moment but soon after the call got over, there was an influx of different emotions and feelings. It started with the survival instinct kicking in to figure out finances and how long the severance would last.
As I told my wife about what had happened, she listened to everything I had to say plus observing me trying to console her that I am okay. She later told me.. the first time she looked at me in the morning (after getting the news) I looked very relaxed.
I spent the next three days bumming around, consciously avoiding my feelings and not succeeding doing that. Questioning what’s next, what is happening with everyone who stayed etc.
The day after was Diwali and it’s a big Hindu festival. During the day, we socially distanced met with some friends and family. And every time work came up in the conversation.. I chose not to answer or say something vague. In my head I’m thinking — Diwali is a day to celebrate and with enough bad news around us why share another one today. Second, I was not even comfortable saying the words “I was laid off from work”. It’s only until a few days after I finally decided to share this with a few close friends and family.
Just a few months back, I was on the other side and had to let go more than half of my team. To prepare for that day I researched a lot, spoke to folks in my network and wrote all kinds of things to say. On the day, I gathered all the empathy I am capable of and broke the news one by one to all my team members. I reminded them about their strengths, thanked them for their contribution and told them I will be there to support them afterwards. In my 18 years of professional life, I never felt the kind of stress I felt that day.
Today I can confirm..
even being on the other side of the table does not prepare you for how you would feel and handle when it comes to you
In the days when going to the office physically was a thing, every time someone left the company I would walk with them to the exit door of the building. I always thought if someone spent a portion of their life working for a company, they deserve the respect to not walk out alone on their last day.
On my last day, while I was on the call trying hard to stay calm and listen to what was being said, I saw my slack automatically logging out. Within minutes all my access everything was gone. And not getting enough time to say “goodbye” to the team I would talk to everyday — it felt awful.
I recently spoke to a friend about this and he said “I should feel happy I was important enough for the company to not leave my access open even for a few minutes”. It’s a perspective.. but when you are in it, it’s hard to feel happy.
Many people will share different nuggets of wisdom about this and like everything in life.. keep what works for you and throw what does not.
To Summarize..
This is me making an attempt to get closure on this and say “goodbye until we meet again” to everyone that crossed path with me at Edmodo. In all honesty, I learned and grew a lot. Edmodo enabled me to a lot of opportunities and people at Edmodo were the best part.
Last time I interviewed, it was for a software engineer and now it will be a completely different role. The unknown unknown’s of the future interview process is what I will be working on next and will be on the lookout soon.
If you come across a place that can use my 15 years of building software and engineering teams in edtech and social networking space — where I can help build a team and do some interesting things please do reach out
P.s. To the few folks who reached out just to find out how I was doing — it meant a lot!
